If there’s one thing not to say to me, it’s that I look good ‘for my age’.
Why does that matter? You hear it all the time: “Ooh doesn’t she look incredible…for her age?” or “Wow, she’s in great shape for her age”. It’s so infuriatingly ageist and not even remotely a compliment – why bring it up? Because older people are assumed to be wrinkled? Fat? Unattractive? What the person really means is ‘you look younger’ because youth is the only beauty to aspire to. It’s insulting, plain and simple. Can we all agree, right here and now, to go with ‘you look good’. Let’s leave the age part out of it, shall we?
As what I’ve termed ‘generation midster’ comes of age, we’re more determined not to be ignored and are challenging the old ideas about beauty and youth wherever we see them. Loudly, which is exactly as it should be. So, when I posted this on my Conscious Plus Instagram account, the response was overwhelming, with fascinating insights about hidden ageism (the more insidious type that for generations we’ve ignored).
Look around your workplace. How many of the team are women in their late 40s and beyond? How many of those are in management? How many of those women feel comfortable talking about or being recognised as an older woman? Very often, successful women will not ‘hide’ their age per se, but they will start to blur it – discreet treatments, careful dye jobs and a stylist can make it impossible to assess if a woman is 35 or 50. That’s entirely their right to do so and I have no issue with it at all. It’s the reason for it I take umbrage with.
These women, who’ve built careers against the odds and work hard, are worried that being seen to be older will lead to a view that they’re not as sharp or willing to learn as their younger counterparts – a fear which, unfortunately, is very real. We’re not worth less when we age, so we should not have to pretend that ageing isn’t happening to us to still be considered relevant. To tackle this, stop the assumption that we older women are less ambitious, less tech-savvy and stuck in our ways (all things women have shared with me that they’ve heard at work). We’re smart, clever and experienced, and that has value.
It works another way too, though – all too often, I hear “Today’s young are so over-sensitive, entitled, lazy” but they’re actually not. When we bracket people by their age like this, we become part of the problem. Young people are fresh, insightful and capable of working hard. If we respect them and hear them, giving them chances to feel valued, they’re far more likely to do it back. Ageism works both ways and we cannot challenge it if we’re perpetuating it.
I also hate phrases like ’70 is the new 50’. Saying that 70 is the new 50 is still saying that younger is better. I don’t want to fight the signs of ageing – it’s a war I won’t win. I want to see a society that respects all ages and understands that no age brings with it a prescribed approach to life.
Let’s start with “You look good” and carry it through to “You are inspirational, I admire you and I respect your thoughts”. Notice what you can’t see in those statements? The age of the recipient – it just doesn’t matter.
Patsy Kensit her beauty range, Preciously Perfect, is available from Ideal World. Search idealworld.tv to discover the full collection.
