Do you often feel as if something is missing in your life? Psychologist Steve Taylor explains how to stop searching and find inner peace
Do you often feel as if something is missing in your life? Psychologist Steve Taylor explains how to stop searching and find inner peace wellbeing and harmony . We become free from the pressure to keep busy and the need for stimulation, and rest at ease within ourselves and the present moment. I call these experiences ‘harmony of being.’ They usually occur when we’re quiet and relaxed and there’s stillness around us – for example, when we’re walking through the countryside,working quietly with our hands, listening to or playing music, or after meditation, yoga or sex. The chattering of our minds stops, and we feel a natural flow of connection between ourselves and our surroundings or other people.
Sometimes these experiences seem to come out of nowhere, for no apparent reason. We might experience harmony of being for a brief moment first thing in the morning after a good night’s sleep – just for a few seconds, before our thoughts start chattering away aboutt he day ahead, your mind is empty and still, and you’re filled with a sense of wellbeing and wholeness.
Or you might experience it when you’re watching your children playing. You look around you, at the sunlight splashing through the trees and the perfect blue sky above you, and listen to your children’s laughter – and the scene is so perfect that time seems to stand still. Or even when you’re driving down the motorway and are suddenly struck by the beauty of the evening sun, shining between the clouds and across the fields – just for a few moments, you feel lit up inside too, and a warm glow of wellbeing flows through your whole being.
Getting started
However, spontaneous experiences of harmony like these are quite rare.Usually they are linked to certain activities or situations. There are some physical activities which often give rise to the state. For example:
Several joggers and long-distance runners have told me that running has a powerful psychological effect on them, making them feel very calm and alert, and more ‘grounded’. One colleague who jogs every day told me: “It helps clear my mind,helps me get back to myself. It puts me back in tune with the world again, after all the hassles of work. Stuff fades from my mind and I just take pleasure from where I am, from the elements around me.”
Sex often gives rise to harmony too, for similar reasons as sport. The sensations we experience during sex are usually so pleasurable and powerful that they have a mind-quietening effect; thoughts about the past and future diminishes, as we become completely present. Afterwards, you’re filled with a soothing glow of wellbeing, lying there with your partner in your arms, listening to the sounds of the night and staring into the warm, rich darkness.
Swimming can also give rise to harmony. Once,when I was talking to a group of students about meditation, a young woman said to me: ‘That’s what I do when I go swimming!’ She went on to say: “I get into the rhythm of my movements and the gliding feeling of going through the water – I get so into it that I forget everything. I just feel the water against my skin and look up at the light shining on the water and the waves moving across the pool and it all looks perfect. When I get out of the water and get changed I feel happy and peaceful.”
More dangerous and demanding pursuits can generate harmony too, such as climbing, flying or diving. Activities like these require so much concentration that they help us to forget the niggling concerns of daily life. The demands of the present – to make the next manoeuvre or avoid a potential danger –focuses the mind so much that thought-chatter fades away and the future and the past cease to exist. As a result, climbers or pilots sometimes experience a sense of wholeness and contentment, becoming intensely aware of the beauty of their surroundings, and even feeling a sense of oneness with them.
Contact with nature is a major source of harmony too, and one of the main reasons why so many of us love the countryside. The beauty and grandeur of nature draws our attention away from thought-chatter, and the stillness and spac erelaxes us even further. As a result, our minds become quiet, and our ego-boundaries become softer, so that we transcend separateness and feel connected to our surroundings.
Sources of harmony
So what is it about meditation, sex, climbing or running which generates harmony of being? The most important factor is that all of these activities provide a focus for the mind. There’s a steady stream of attention directed at a particular object, and this has the effect of quietening our thought-chatter. And when the mind is quiet in this way, we become free of both the disturbance and negativity of our normal thoughts. We feel a sense of inner stillness because there literally is stillness inside us. Our being becomes calm, like the still surface of a lake. And this also means that the super-critical person inside our heads – who’s always judging our behaviour and reminding of the things we should feel bad about in the past and worry about in the future – disappears. There’s noone to make us feel guilty, to make us worry about the future, or bitter about the past. In these moments, we become aware that, although the surface of our being is filled with disturbance and negativity, beneath that there is a deep reservoir of calm and wellbeing. The surface of our being is like a rough sea which sweeps you to and fro and makes you feel disoriented and anxious. But if you wear diving equipment and go beneath the surface, you’re suddenly in the midst of endless silence and stillness.
Permanent peace
These moments of harmony don’t have to be fleeting. In fact, this is the basic aim of all spiritual traditions, and all spiritual practices: to generate a state of permanent inner harmony. This is what we call‘enlightenment’ – a state in which the discord of the human mind is truly healed. In harmony of being, life becomes a glorious adventure,full of joy and wonder.
Capture the feeling
Have contact with nature: The stillness and beauty of nature can quieten the chattering of our minds and bring a sense of inner peace. Help other people: Altruistic acts connect ourselves with us and help to transcend separateness. Mindfulness exercises: When you have a shower, brush your teeth, eat your meals or any other daily activity, give your full attention to the experience rather than to thoughts inside your head. Make friends with inactivity: Timetable periods for ‘doing nothing’ during the week. Quietness allows our minds to settle into a state of harmony. Go running or swimming: Sports like these can heal the surface discord of our minds and put us back in touch the harmony underneath.
Steve Taylor is a lecturer in psychology and the author of several best-selling books on psychology and spirituality,including Back to Sanity,(£10.99, Hay House).
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Steve Taylor is a lecturer in psychology and the author of several best-selling books on psychology and spirituality,including Back to Sanity,(£10.99, Hay House).
Discover more
By Steve Taylor
