Anger and resentment – these are such low vibration emotions that can consume us. When I started connecting back to myself, there were things I was angry about. I had anger towards others and towards myself. One of the most powerful things I did was to let myself express what I wanted to feel. I started by connecting to that child in me that wanted to have a tantrum. The part of me that wanted to say how unfair everything was. But rather than telling her to be quiet or to get back in her place, I listened to her.
Because this is the thing. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be if you started to tell someone you loved about how you felt, and rather than listening and holding space for you, they just said: ‘Be quiet, get a grip, shut up,’ on repeat. Yet we frequently do this to ourselves. When a part of us wants to be heard, we shut them up. We tell them to get back into their box. And we wonder why there is a part of us that feels totally unheard.
Here I want to share three powerful exercises for releasing anger and resentment. I suggest you do these in sequence and in the order I have given them. If you feel like you need additional support, I highly recommend seeking the help of a qualified professional.
Step one: The Tantrum
Let the inner child in you have a tantrum. What do they want to have a tantrum about? What do they feel is really unfair? The more unreasonable, the better. You can write it down or say it out loud in a private and safe space.
Start with: ‘It’s nor fair that …’ For example:
It’s not fair I have to work in a job I hate to make money. It’s not fair that I have to do everything. It’s not fair I don’t have any me-time. It’s not fair that my boss said that. Now, the key thing here is to be what seems ‘unreasonable’. This is not a time to negate that voice or to reason. Just let them be heard. Keep going until that part of you feels totally expressed. While that part of you expresses itself, repeat ‘I see you, I value you, I accept you, I love you. You are safe.’
You may feel like you want to find a private space and move your body, throw yourself to the floor, hit a pillow on a bed, wail, roar – do what you need to until that part of you has been expressed.
This may be an exercise you want to repeatedly come back to.
Step two: The Ho’oponopono Exercise
This is one of my absolute favourites, and I see the most incredible results with my clients when I do this. I advise doing this when you have a few interrupted hours to spare, as it can take much longer than you think. The Ho’oponopono exercise is a traditional Hawaiian exercise used for forgiveness. It is a great way of forgiving yourself and others.
To start with, you’ll need to find a quiet space, and get out a notebook and pen. Ask yourself the following questions:
What are the resentments and stories I’ve been holding on to? What resentments and anger do I have towards others or myself? What negative emotions, memories, and stories am I holding on to? These can be big things or the smallest things. It might be when you weren’t picked for a team at school or someone said something hurtful. It could be when someone took advantage of you or resentment you have picked up for people who seemingly have it easier than you. It could be from big life events or the smallest slight – the key thing is don’t overthink it. If it comes up to released, then trust that.
Then take a moment to write down anything that comes to mind, labelling each thing with a number (so you may end up with over 100 numbers or bullet points).
Once you have exhausted everything that is currently coming up, go through each statement one by one and say the below with real meaning:
I am sorry.
Once you have said each of these five statements above to the anger or resentment thought you are holding to, then use your breath to help release each statement and put a line through the statement to cross it out.
Repeat saying these statements (I am sorry, etc.) and keep putting a line through them one by one until all the points on your list have been released. Once you have finished, you can throw the list away, burn it (safely) or soak it in water and release it.
Please note: if you have deep traumas here in relationship to others, I highly recommend also seeking the service of a trained professional to help you navigate this.
Step 3: Releasing Through Your Body
The last powerful step is to commit to a daily practice of physically moving any anger or resentment through your body. Go in a quiet room alone and hit a pillow against the bed, shake your body, cry or roar (you can always go on a car journey if you feel you can’t let loose at home – just drive carefully!). Just get it out. This can feel very primal but it is hugely powerful. Remember, your body holds on to everything and it is instrumental in helping you deeply release.
About the expert
Caroline Britton is a coach, mentor, healer, intuitive guide, and an expert in helping people connect back to their soul. She delivers her teachings through a combination of online courses, private coaching and speaking events. Her new book Coming Home to You is out now. To find out more visit caroline-britton.com
Edited extract from Coming Home to You : how to live a more connected, magical, and authentic life by Caroline Britton (£14.99, The Unbound Press
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